


Seeing Stars

by wonwoozi



Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: (kinda), (sorry for doing jinpil so dirty), Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Cockblocking, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Grinding, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Underage Drinking, debate team au, debate team nerds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-15
Updated: 2016-08-15
Packaged: 2018-08-08 23:35:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7778023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wonwoozi/pseuds/wonwoozi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You may look older but you’re just as annoying as I remember.” Jaebum sighs and usually Jinyoung would take offence but he hears the familiar lilt of affection in the older boy’s voice and knows not to take him too seriously.</p><p>“Why thank you, Jaebum.”</p><p>Jaebum glances at him with a raised eyebrow, expression blank. Then he cracks a smile.</p><p>“That’s Jaebum <i>hyung</i> to you, punk.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Seeing Stars

**Author's Note:**

> _"Some dreams never do come true, some love doesn't hit the target_  
>  _But my dreams are reality now, and you're the one I've been dreaming about."_  
>  \- BØRNS, [Seeing Stars](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2GOGwB4QYU)

Debating has always been something that Jinyoung’s excelled at. He doesn't always think of it as a gift—when it leaves his mother tearing up at the dinner table after another needless argument, for example—but he’s good at it and Jinyoung enjoys being good at things. He loves words, loves the intricacy of them, the way you can manipulate a person’s mind simply by using the right phrase or term. It’s not his fault that he knows how to counter a point, how to argue out of his ass until his opponent is speechless, it’s like second nature to him. He hardly has to try.

And Mark sees it straight away. The moment Jinyoung sits in his chair at the table, cue cards splayed out in front of him, blank for the taking, it sparks some interest. Of course it’s not abnormal to make a few notes during a debate, it certainly shows some level of preparedness, but to turn up empty handed and produce an argument purely from the reasonings of others is a bold fucking move, and Mark admires it. 

Jaebum, on the other hand, seems disgruntled by the sheer lack of concern and the volume of arrogance that comes with such a move. He has to leave the debate early, before Jinyoung can take a stand, but Mark assures him that admitting Jinyoung to the debate team is one of the brightest decisions they could ever make.

 

Jaebum doesn’t think much of Jinyoung, not at first anyway, but that doesn’t deter Jinyoung from looking at him with the utmost respect. Jinyoung had wanted to join the debate team the moment he hit high school, amazed at the prospect of honing his arguing skills and making new friends along the way, so had been mildly devastated upon learning that admission could only be granted to second years and above. So he waited patiently and admired from afar.

The position as head of the debate team had been handed down to Mark Tuan the moment he’d entered third year, an inevitable turn of events. Mark was incredible with his words. He had this habit of remaining silent the entire debate, lips tightly sealed even at opportunities for a point of information, but the moment the ball landed on him was never, ever disappointing. He was sharp to pick up on errors in the opposition’s argument, thoughts stated so definitively and passive aggressively that they sounded like facts. It was breathtaking. 

But Jinyoung had always been a little enamoured with the way Im Jaebum fought tooth and nail to get what he wanted, eyes on the prize from start to finish. He thought Jaebum was pretty amazing, actually. 

Jaebum and Mark were always close and on individual levels had a sort of charismatic air about them but christ, did they make quite the intimidating pair when put together. Their debating styles were different—Jaebum wouldn’t hold back his thoughts, refused to bite down on his tongue, picking apart the other team’s points like they were a knot of tangled earphones. Ultimately, however, with forces combined they rarely lost a fight and Jinyoung admired them greatly for it.

Not to mention they were both very good looking and Jinyoung was never one to deny himself the pleasure of ogling pretty boys from time to time. So all in all, debate team was the dream, as far as extracurriculars extended. 

 

Which is why the first day he gets back to school for his second year, his name is top of the sign up sheet. He barrels his way through and comes out the other end with a winning case, high fives with teammates exchanged over scattered pens and frantic scribbles. 

Mark approaches him afterwards and Jinyoung feels a little giddy in his presence.

“So, that was quite something you pulled back there.” The older boy remarks as he hands over Jinyoung’s bag, his own satchel pressed gently against his hip. Jinyoung splutters like a fish out of water for a few seconds before mustering up the ability to thank him.

“Oh, thanks, it was nothing really. I just enjoy making people look like idiots.” He says and Mark chuckles, folding his arms in thinly veiled amusement. 

“Yeah, I can tell. I’m surprised you managed to pick up on that one girl’s factual mistake. You didn’t even have any notes written down, from the looks of it.”

Jinyoung flushes a faint rouge and scratches absentmindedly at the back of his neck.

“If I’m being honest, that’s just because I’ve watched the entirety of Twin Peaks multiple times and I know that series like the back of my hand.” He divulges the information with a dollop of shame but Mark just smiles.

“You never know when pop culture references are going to come in handy...Jinyoung, was it?”

Jinyoung nods. This is probably the most nerve wracking conversation he’s had, god it’s embarrassing. 

“Well I need to talk it over with Jaebum, seeing as he’s vice captain, but I’d say your chances of being on the official debate team are fairly high.” 

“Are you serious?” Jinyoung beams, eyes lighting up like a roman candle. “You’re not just fucking with me, are you?”

“Of course I’m serious. You should know within a week.”

They part ways with a couple of goodbyes and Jinyoung may or may not squeal into his pillow the moment he gets home.

 

Initially, Jaebum isn’t too thrilled with the decision. He hasn’t seen Jinyoung debate, all he knows is that he turned up with essentially no preparation. To him, that shows a lack of pragmatism and a lot of carelessness and he doesn’t want to start losing over a simple mistake made during selection.

“Just watch him debate, Jaebum, he’s really good. There are a few things he could clear up here and there but he’s got the skill set.” Mark reasons, hands tucked neatly into the pockets of his slacks, and Jaebum sighs.

“I’m not saying you’re wrong but I just don’t trust those arrogant types that rely on dumb luck and natural talent to get by. Hard work is important and I don’t want to pick him if he’s just going to let us down.” 

“Look, I don’t know if he’s definitely the right kid, but you have to admit the boy’s got guts. I think that’s what we’re missing. I have faith in him and I wish you would too. I know you’re a huge cynic and all that,” Jaebum opens his mouth to protest but Mark continues before he can interrupt. “But—just give him a go, alright? Listen to him debate and then make up your mind.”

It takes a few minutes but Jaebum begrudgingly agrees. 

“Fine. I’ll give him a go.”

 

And as loathe as Jaebum is to admit it, Mark is right. They hold a miniature debate on a Wednesday after school, pitting classmates against each other over trivial things, and it finally gives Jaebum an opportunity to see what Jinyoung’s made of.

There are a lot of good kids on both the teams, Jackson Wang being another notable one, despite his brash tone and obnoxious laugh, but Jinyoung has a way of standing out that Jaebum can’t quite pin. He’s to the point, drives the nail in hard when he’s got it, and he exudes a confidence that’s also paradoxically humble. He slips up now and then, repeating words by accident or missing obvious holes in his argument, but overall he’s feisty and Jaebum feels a small tug of guilt for judging too quickly.

The debate is over soon enough and Jaebum congratulates them all before sending them on their way. It’ll be hard narrowing down the choices for the positions on the official team but he’s relieved that they have a promising pool to select from. 

Jinyoung’s the last to pack up and Jaebum cuts him off just as he’s about to leave the room.

“Hey, you did good kid. I was pretty impressed.” He says and Jinyoung turns to look at him with wide, doe-eyes.

“Oh, uh, thank you. I messed up a little in the middle but I’m glad you think I did alright.” He replies with a shaky laugh, whisker-like lines tugging at the corners of his eyes. Jaebum feels a small bout of warmth spread through his chest, like a brotherly affection, but disregards it almost instantly.

“I think you’ve got a lot of potential. It’d be nice to see you use it in the national debate competition in December.” 

Jinyoung’s mouth falls partly open in surprise.

“Does that mean what I think it means?” He asks and Jaebum smiles.

“You’re on the team, kid. I’ll see you at practice, starting next week.”

Jinyoung breaks out into a grin and has to do everything his power to stop himself bouncing on the spot. 

“Ah, thank you so much! I’ll see you next week, hyung.” 

Jinyoung scuttles off, probably to tell his friends, and Jaebum’s left alone in the classroom with nothing but a dumb smile and a table to put away.

 

\---

 

Jinyoung tries not to trip as he and Jackson stumble up the hill in battered sneakers, fingers wrapped greedily around the necks of glass bottles, moonlight catching on the metal caps. He knows he’s almost an adult but after living under a fairly strict mother for so long, he still feels the exhilaration of being out so late without supervision.  They collapse in a heap of giggles on the browning grass, Jackson’s hyena-like laugh sending Jinyoung further into hysteria as they pull apart from each other and attempt to calm their breathing. 

“God, we totally smashed that competition.” Jinyoung grins wildly as he lies on the firm, earthy ground with his knees bent upwards. Jackson pants hard where he’s on his back next to Jinyoung and the proud smile on his face is glaringly obvious without even the slightest hint of a word.

“Damn right we did. Not that I’d expect anything less from Mr. Park Jinyoung, captain of the best intermediate debate team in Seoul.”

Jinyoung laughs breathlessly as he bats at Jackson’s arm, earning a yowl in exchange.

“It’s still weird to think that next year we’re not going to be here anymore, that we have to pass it down.” He muses aloud, thoughts darting back and forth behind his eyes.

Jackson sits up with a slight frown, fumbling for the bottle opener between his legs. He finds it easily enough and cracks off the cap, raising the rim to his lips, illuminated only by the fiercely lit full moon. 

“It’s still kinda weird without Mark and Jaebum around. They made it look so easy. Not that I don’t trust Youngjae and Sana to run it better than we did.” 

Jinyoung hums in agreement, pulling himself upright as he pries Jackson’s bottle out of his hand and takes a long sip from it.

“Heyyy,” Jackson whines in protest, making grabby hands in Jinyoung’s general direction. “You have your own, give it back.” 

Jinyoung giggles as he passes it back to a pouty Jackson and rolls his head to the side, resting it against his own shoulder.

 

“Is it just me or was Jaebum, like, really hot?” Jinyoung asks absently, and whether it’s to Jackson or himself is a little bit up in the air. Jackson glances at him, lips pursed as though in deep thought.

“Well yeah man, he was hot as fuck, but his attitude was  _ such  _ a boner killer.” 

Jinyoung quirks a brow at that.

“How so?”

Jackson shoots him a look as if to say  _ are you fucking kidding me?  _ but Jinyoung blinks back innocently. 

“Where do I even start? First of all, the dude made me call him hyung even though he’s only like two months older than me! That’s like 81 days, Jinyoung!”  

Jinyoung snorts at the precision but allows Jackson to continue.

“Also he was sooo boring and pretentious, like I loved the guy but he had that whole ‘holier than thou’ thing going on and it grated on my nerves.” 

Jackson seems to shake his head disapprovingly and Jinyoung can’t help but think of the Jaebum that  _ he _ knew, the one that had progressively opened himself up a little bit as the year went on.

“See that’s what he wants you to think,” Jinyoung starts, reaching for his own beer aimlessly. “When really he has a whole Pokemon card collection and spent 140,000 won on a Portgas D. Ace figurine.” 

At this, Jackson chokes on his drink cackling and Jinyoung finds himself chuckling along too. 

“I can’t believe this whole time the chic and sexy Im Jaebum was actually a giant fucking nerd.” Jackson wheezes as he calms down and takes another sip from his bottle. “How did you even find out about that?”

“We  _ are _ actually friends, doofus. I just mentioned I was into Pokemon once, forgetting to add that I meant as a child, and he told me he collected the cards. It was kind of endearing to see him talk about it so I just let him.”

Jackson smiles playfully and lies back on the grass, folding one arm behind his head for support and using the other to pull down his hoodie where it’s rucked up at his waist.

“I can’t believe he’s off studying medicine, the fool. I’d always thought he’d go for, I dunno, law or some shit..” Jackson mumbles. Jinyoung agrees.

“I can totally see him as a lawyer. The suit, the briefcase—”

“The fuck me eyes and the gelled back hair?” Jackson interrupts with a smug grin and Jinyoung shoves a hand in his face, ignoring his indignant squawks of protest. 

“Y’know, I always felt like he and Mark had something going on.” Jackson says as he looks up at the cloud covered sky, dusky plumes of grey streaked across the black backdrop.

Jinyoung stiffens. 

“You think?”

“Yes. One time I saw them talking in the debate room after fencing practice and Jaebum had his hand on Mark’s lower back in a way that didn’t look all too platonic to me.” 

Jackson’s words gnaw at Jinyoung ever so slightly, the faint tug of jealousy low at the pit of his stomach, stirring a heavy layer of green that he tries to tamp down. He knows he’s being ridiculous. 

“Huh.” He replies before taking another steady sip of his drink. 

 

\---

 

Needless to say, on the day that Jinyoung gets accepted into his top university of choice for a course in advanced literature, he’s ecstatic. His parents make him his favourite meal and Youngjae gives him a warm, congratulatory hug that spans for the length of about half a minute before Jackson comes bounding down the hallway to engulf Jinyoung in his arms.

He feels proud—he worked damn hard for this, long nights spent at cram schools and in extra classes—but he’d be lying if he said a tiny glimmer of happiness didn’t stem from the possibility of bumping into Jaebum again. They had sort of lost contact when Jaebum went away, not something he really blamed the elder for, but he knew they’d be attending the same university and while the student body was vast, the campus was pretty well-contained.

He wasn’t delusional though, nor did his entire life consist of tracking down an ex-crush, so he’d concluded that if it was meant to happen it would do so organically. None of that facebook stalking crap involved. (Ok, very minimal facebook stalking crap involved).

What he hadn’t expected, however, was for it to be  _ so _ easy. Clearly something was written in the stars because the first day Jinyoung attends his literature course, he bumps into Jaebum in a coffee shop around the corner from his lecture hall.

He doesn’t recognise him straight away, not much has changed but his once dark hair is now a coppery red and he looks like he’s gained a couple of centimetres in height. And of course he’s filled out a little more, mostly in the shoulders, not that Jinyoung’s looking. In fact the only thing that even catches Jinyoung’s attention is the distinct voice as it asks for one soy caramel macchiato to go.

“Jaebum hyung?” He says in disbelief as the older boy stands one person away in the queue, wallet stretched between his nimble fingers. Jaebum’s head snaps to him almost instantly and his eyes widen in recognition, a broad smile blossoming across his face in quick succession.

“Holy shit, Jinyoung? Is that you?” 

The girl between them steps in front of Jaebum to give her order and suddenly Jinyoung feels nervous with no barrier to hide behind. 

“God, you definitely look older.” Jaebum notes as he gives Jinyoung a quick one-over, eyes lingering on wider shoulders and a more pronounced jawline. It’s true that Jinyoung had aged a little since he last saw Jaebum, nothing drastic, just some refinery here and there but clearly it’s enough for Jaebum to pick up on it.

Just as Jinyoung is about to reply, the woman at the cash register beckons him.

“Excuse me, can I take your order?”

 

Once Jinyoung is settled with his peppermint tea and Jaebum has his coffee in hand, Jaebum offers to walk him to his lecture.

“So, what happened to the earrings?” Jinyoung asks curiously as he takes a cautious sip from his steaming beverage, warming his hands on the cardboard sleeve that encompasses it. Jaebum shrugs.

“They’re not very good to have in when I’m doing practicals, you know, hygiene and safety stuff. If the girls take theirs out I don’t see why I shouldn’t take mine out too.”

“Ah,” Jinyoung nods in understanding. There’s a small twinge of nervousness wriggling around in his gut somewhere and he blames it on Jaebum’s stupendously gorgeous face, even better looking than he’d remembered it being. Or maybe that’s his fault, for falling prey to beautiful boys so god damn easily.

“So literature, huh?” Jaebum snaps the silence, raising his coffee to his lips as he glances at Jinyoung. It feels slightly awkward, stilted even, but he supposes they’re just not used to seeing each other regularly anymore.

“Yep.” He replies with an airy smile and Jaebum seems to smile back, albeit not as obviously.

“You did always have a way with words. Well, congrats on getting in, that’s one of the most competitive courses in this whole place.” 

Jinyoung snorts.

“Says the  _ medicine student _ .” He teases and Jaebum rolls his eyes. 

“Hey, medicine’s not that bad, ok? Yes it’s very competitive and the hours are long, but I enjoy it.” 

Jinyoung feels a familiar warmth grow in his chest, flooding his veins with a viscous sense of fondness at the ring of happiness in Jaebum’s voice. 

“So who did you leave the debating team to? I heard you guys won a lot of competitions.” Jaebum prompts, shaking his cup in a circular motion absentmindedly.

“Oh, I’m not sure you knew them but Choi Youngjae and Minatozaki Sana? They’re both incredible, I trust they’ll do well.” Jinyoung smiles fondly as he recalls his underclassmen, so filled with the enthusiasm of a young puppy. Jaebum nods.

“I know Youngjae, I used to tutor him in my last year. He was cute,” Jaebum says and Jinyoung briefly wonders if Jaebum ever thought of him as cute but he pushes the thought far from his mind as quickly as he notices it. “But he could have a mean argument too. Good choice.”

“Thanks, I guess it’s sort of on you as well, since you picked me as debate captain.” Jinyoung grins and Jaebum rolls his eyes, but there’s a small smile tugging at his lips and Jinyoung sees it.

“Hey, don’t flatter yourself kid, Mark was the one that proposed you.” Jaebum responds dismissively.

“And yet you agreed.” Jinyoung counters with a playful tone before finishing off his drink. He’s pretty sure he hears Jaebum mutter  _ ‘brat’  _ under his voice as he turns to throw the emptied cup in the nearest trash can.

“If you’re trying to get me to admit that you were the best in the team, you won’t have any luck, I can assure you.” Jaebum tells him as he waits. 

“Your words, not mine.” Jinyoung smirks and holds his hands up in defence, not missing the way Jaebum’s eyes flash with amusement. 

“You may look older but you’re just as annoying as I remember.” Jaebum sighs and usually Jinyoung would take offence but he hears the familiar lilt of affection in the older boy’s voice and knows not to take him too seriously.

“Why thank you, Jaebum.”

Jaebum glances at him with a raised eyebrow, expression blank. Then he cracks a smile.

“That’s Jaebum  _ hyung  _ to you, punk.”

\---

 

Jinyoung settles in pretty quickly. He hangs out with Jaebum most of the time, never too good at making new friends and relieved to have a familiar face around, but he finds a few nice people on his course too. He likes Namjoon a lot, even if he can get a bit pretentious at times, waxing poetic about the mortality of humans on and off. He’s also found joy in the company of Suji, with her natural affinity for picking up on symbolism, and Sehun, who he believes only took literature as a way to ensure his parents kept paying for dance lessons. But he has to confess, the person who’s captured his attention the most is probably Kim Wonpil. 

Wonpil’s got a rugged charm about him, high cheekbones and friendly eyes, and Jinyoung thinks he’s quite dashing (read: hot as fuck). Sure he’s no Im Jaebum, but he’s got this dorky little smile and plays the piano and Jinyoung doesn’t mind entertaining the idea of Wonpil doing something else with those lovely hands of his.

But back to Jaebum—he and Jinyoung are close now, closer than they were before. They hang out and watch movies together, sometimes cracking out the red wine Jaebum stores in his closet, and Jinyoung wonders how he ever lived without seeing this side of the older boy. It’s like he learns something new about him every day, a new tidbit or preference, until there’s nothing left to be learnt.

He finds out that Jaebum also hates egg yolks, that he has a cat, a small siamese named Nora, who he’s desperately fond of, and that his parents are hugely supportive of his decision to go into medicine. He discovers that Jaebum loves reading as well but that he thinks lit students delve too deep, looking for hidden meanings where there are none. He also realises that Jaebum is quite the sceptic, constantly blowing holes in Jinyoung’s arguments and calling him ludicrous for buying into various conspiracies. But it’s fun, they work well together and Jinyoung finds him incredibly good company.

And of course being Jaebum’s friend comes with perks—Jaebum lives in an off-site apartment, paid for by his parents, has a plethora of cool and attractive friends and lets Jinyoung camp out at his place and raid his fridge from time to time. Jaebum’s not always around much, the life of a med student he calls it, but Jinyoung doesn’t mind. He’s used to keeping himself company and if anything he needs the break every now and again. It's gotten to the point where he often shows up uninvited and Jaebum just lets him, not swayed by the boundary issues or invasion of privacy.

 

Jinyoung complains as he barges into Jaebum’s apartment unannounced, kicking his shoes off by the door before strutting over to the couch and collapsing on it. It’s an old, worn out thing, a deep red colour, and more often than not sprinkled with cat hair as far as Jinyoung can tell. He’s grown to love it quite a bit.

“God, I’m so tired and I’ve had the worst day.” He sighs dramatically as he sinks into the cushions.

“I literally didn’t invite you here.” Jaebum says blankly from where he’s sitting at his dinner table, watching him with his fork buried to the hilt in lettuce leaves. 

“Then you shouldn’t leave your door unlocked, captain obvious.” The younger sighs where he props his head up on one of Jaebum’s many pillows. If Jaebum is legitimately annoyed by Jinyoung’s sudden arrival, he doesn’t make it apparent as he gets up to clear away his food. 

“You eaten?” He asks once he returns from the kitchen, shoving Jinyoung’s legs off the sofa to make room for himself. Jinyoung nods tiredly and shifts his feet back so they’re lying comfortably in Jaebum’s lap.  Jaebum tuts but takes Jinyoung’s sock sheathed foot into his hand and slowly begins to massage it. Jinyoung finds this curious and glances over at him with a raised brow.

“Since when did you give expert foot rubs?”

“A god given talent, unfortunately.” Jaebum replies with a half-smile and Jinyoung shuts his eyes as he leans back against the velvet.

They sit in a comfortable silence for a while, Jinyoung using all his willpower not to moan at how well Jaebum’s fingers dig into his sole, until Jaebum speaks up.

“So I was talking to Daeil today…” He begins and Jinyoung cracks open an eye. Kim Daeil was the super hot art student from Jaebum’s dance class whom Jinyoung had taken quite a liking to upon meeting. They’d met through Jaebum, obviously, but had hit it off very quickly, leaving Jaebum to ponder why he even bothered introducing Jinyoung to his friends. 

He enjoyed hanging out with Daeil a lot and would flirt outrageously with him (what? he has a thing for piercings) but it had seemed his attraction wasn't one-sided. One thing led to another and ended up quite neatly in Daeil’s king sized bed. 

“Hm?” Jinyoung responds casually, shutting his eyes again. 

“He told me some interesting stuff about the time you two hooked up.” 

That catches Jinyoung’s attention. He sits up abruptly and narrows his eyes at Jaebum, who’s still working diligently on the knots in his feet.

“What kind of stuff?”

Jaebum tries to stifle a smile but Jinyoung sees it regardless, and notices a wobbly feeling grow inside him. 

“Um, well he told me you were complaining about the lube being too cold and so you put it on the radiator to heat it up? Made him wait like, five minutes.” Jaebum’s barely holding it together, laughter held back by the weak seams of his lips. Jinyoung groans in embarrassment and flops back onto the sofa, covering his face in shame. 

“You know I don’t like cold things!” He protests as Jaebum finally lets out a ridiculously cute laugh, one that makes Jinyoung want to punch him in the face. 

“If it makes you feel better, he said it was cute.” 

“Thanks, that doesn’t really make me feel better. Please don’t tell me he told you about the vibrator thing as well.” 

Jaebum pulls a face and gently slaps Jinyoung’s shin.

“Ew, no he didn’t, I don’t wanna hear about your sex life that’s gross,” He protests and Jinyoung can’t help but rise to the comment, sitting up and pulling his legs away from Jaebum this time.

“You’re the one who brought it up!” He yells defensively, smile tugging at his lips.

“Yeah, only to make fun of you.” Jaebum smirks and Jinyoung rolls his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“If only you weren’t so damn cute…” 

“But unfortunately for you, I am.” Jaebum sighs with satisfaction and Jinyoung sticks his tongue out. “Anyway, what film are we gonna watch?”

Jinyoung leans back on his arms and contemplates, eyes drifting over to the large DVD collection littering Jaebum’s shelves. 

“We could watch Prometheus? I downloaded it the other day but I still haven’t seen it.” 

Jaebum seems to grimace for a moment and shakes his head.

“I haven’t seen any of the other Alien movies, I won’t get it.” 

Jinyoung deadpans out of shock and quickly covers his mouth with a distressed hand.

“Who even  _ are you _ ?” He whispers between his fingers and Jaebum lets his head fall back against the couch with a  _ fwomp _ .

“You’re not actually going to tell me you enjoy those movies, are you?” He asks with a pained expression as his rolls his head to the side and stares at Jinyoung, right in the eyes. Jinyoung looks offended on so many different levels.

“Of course I do, the Alien franchise is an iconic era of cinematographic history! What’s your beef with it?” 

Jaebum shrugs. “I guess I just don’t really like aliens.”

Jinyoung’s fingers come to a steeple in front of his face before he flattens his palms together, almost like he’s praying. Jaebum briefly wonders if he is.

“You don’t like aliens.” He repeats, more to himself it seems, and Jaebum watches him with mild amusement. “Jaebum I’m not sure we can continue this friendship.”

Jaebum scoffs and sits up straight, arms folded. “Are you kidding me? Over a movie genre? Oh Jinyoung, I expected something better than this to mark the end of our friendship.”

“This isn’t just a movie genre, Jaebum, this is aliens. How the fuck do you not like aliens?” Jinyoung waggles his hands about in tandem as if to emphasise his point and Jaebum rolls his eyes (affectionately).

“I just don’t. I believe they exist but I don’t think we’ll interact with them, not in our lifetime anyway.” 

Jinyoung blinks slowly.

“So, just checking, you  _ don’t  _ think the government  _ might  _ be covering something up?” He asks tentatively, eyes scanning Jaebum’s face for a reaction. The older boy lets his head fall into his hands, thumbs rubbing at his eyes ‘til he sees colours darting back and forth in his vision.

“Oh my god. I can’t believe I’m friends with a conspiracy theorist.” 

At this, Jinyoung gets defensive.

“Hey, wait, no, listen to me. The government has the ability to hide so much information from us, you really think they’d tell everybody if we made alien contact? It could cause mass hysteria. No way would they say anything. Besides, I’ve read up on it a lot and there are a tonne of good documentaries. Even Dan Aykroyd thinks there’s a coverup.” 

Jaebum raises a sceptical brow and shoots Jinyoung a look.

“You’re seriously relying on the guy from  _ Ghostbusters  _ for your information?”

“Now  _ that  _ is a cinematic masterpiece.” Jinyoung grins. Jaebum groans.

 

After arguing over their creative differences for a good 15 minutes more, Jaebum gets up to pour them both some wine. He finds Jinyoung stretched out over the couch again when he returns and grumbles something about entitlement as he shoves the younger boy’s legs out of the way for the second time to make some space for himself. Jinyoung graciously accepts the wine with a smile and sighs happily into his first sip.

“You’re too good to me.” He says aloud, shutting his eyes as he considers the oaky flavour of the alcohol. 

“I know.” Jaebum smiles quietly, twirling his own glass in his hand before taking a large sip.

They sit in another comfortable silence for a short while, the idea of watching a film seemingly discarded, until Jinyoung’s curiosity gets the better of him and he breaks it.

“Jaebum?”

“Yeah?”

“Would you fuck an alien?”

Jaebum snorts and chokes on his wine a little, coughing into his hand as Jinyoung quickly reaches to pat him on the back.

“Excuse me?” He sputters, truly astounded by his friend’s shamelessness. Jinyoung seems unfazed.

“I said, would you fuck an alien?” 

Jaebum lets his mouth hang open for a moment, not even sure where to start on an answer.

“Are you seriously asking me this? What makes you think I could even have sex with the alien? What if it like, eats its mates? What if it doesn’t even copulate? That’s such a broad question.” 

Jinyoung sighs dramatically as he takes another sip of his wine before putting it down on the coffee table and leaning into the sofa, with one arm propping up his head. 

“Ok well let’s just say it’s vaguely human looking, has all the right orifices, etc. Now imagine it. You’ve got this hot alien chick draped all over you like this,” Jinyoung says and he climbs into Jaebum’s lap, effectively straddling him as he gets comfortable. Jaebum stiffens a little as Jinyoung snakes his arms around the back of Jaebum’s neck but he doesn’t let it show on his face.

“Oh, so we’re applying the human gender binary to aliens now, are we?” He retorts quietly, trying to ignore the close proximity of their faces, eyes fixed on Jinyoung’s. He can smell the wine on Jinyoung’s breath and the sweetness of his cologne and he suddenly wonders if the room’s gotten a little hotter.

“Fine, whatever, there’s a genderless alien draped all over you like this, and it’s really hot. You’re in some intergalactic space bar, you’ve been drinking a little and the mood is just right. It’s giving you the bedroom eyes and you have to make a decision.” As Jinyoung sets the scene, Jaebum can’t help but smile at how obvious it is that he’s a literature ner—student. 

His smile falters, however, as Jinyoung leans in closer and slowly drags his lips along Jaebum’s jawline and up to his ear. Jaebum suppresses a shudder.

He can hear the smile in Jinyoung’s voice as he whispers into his ear, low and sultry, brushing over his skin with a feather light touch.

“Tell me, Jaebum...would you fuck it?”

A shiver runs up Jaebum’s spine. He feels his dick twitch traitorously in his jeans and prays that Jinyoung can’t tell from where he’s got his thighs on either side of Jaebum’s hips.

The younger boy withdraws with a smug smile, bottom lip clamped between his teeth. Jaebum swallows as he watches him, eyes glassy, and he tries not to think about how Jinyoung’s cologne would taste. This certainly is new.

“Depends.” He replies as evenly and apathetically as he can but he curses internally at how embarrassingly breathy it sounds. Jinyoung cocks his head to the side before chuckling softly.

“I can’t believe you’d fuck an alien, you weirdo.” He laughs and before Jaebum can even process what’s happened, Jinyoung is lying down on the sofa again and resting his head on Jaebum’s thigh. 

He’s not really sure how to comprehend what just happened. Jaebum knows Jinyoung’s attractive, he’s got handsome features and a cute laugh and always has done. Back in high school he’d thought it was part of what made Jinyoung so arrogant, his plush lips and thick brows rivalled by nobody else (except maybe Mark).

But he’d never imagined finding _himself_ attracted to Jinyoung, not like this. It’d taken a few months to wrap his head around it but this Jinyoung is different to the one he knew back in high school. This Jinyoung is a man, a man who has sex with guys and goes drinking on weekends. Where teenage Jinyoung had had a very slight lisp and chubbier cheeks, his voice now is deep and his jawline much sharper. What had been baby smooth skin is stubbly and masculine and Jaebum suddenly finds himself caught up in all of the differences.

If you had asked him back in high school, or heck even a few months ago, whether he’d consider sleeping with Jinyoung should the situation arise, he would’ve said no pretty instantaneously. Jinyoung is his dongsaeng and he’d never look at him like that. But now, now Jaebum’s not so sure...

 

He doesn’t snap out of his reverie until he hears the sound of soft snores from below and he peers down to find Jinyoung asleep on his lap, mouth slightly ajar and loose against his leg. He looks cute and vulnerable like this and Jaebum feels himself flush at the realisation that things have changed a bit since starting university.

He’s much friendlier with Jinyoung these days, and obviously they were friends before, but now they’re closer to  _ best friends  _ and this new realisation is the last thing he needs on his plate. He doesn’t want to ruin this, doesn’t want to be that asshole that accidentally fucks everything up by being attracted to his friend, so he decides that nobody else needs to know. Maybe (hopefully) he’s just had a bit too much to drink. Maybe (hopefully) he can pretend things haven’t been headed this way for a long time.

He wiggles Jinyoung’s phone out of his pocket and taps in the four digit code (2209—you’d expect a lit student to have have a more creative password but no, Jinyoung settles for his birthday) before snapping a pic of himself pulling a dorky face and setting it as the lockscreen wallpaper. It's something he'd normally do but this time it feels more...intimate?

Jinyoung’s soft breathing against his thigh is warming and Jaebum studies his features carefully, eye’s trailing from the slight dip at the bridge of his nose to his protruding top lip, mouth hanging open enough for Jaebum to wonder what it would taste like if he—

Ok, he’s definitely had too much to drink.

He cautiously moves Jinyoung’s head onto a sofa cushion and stands to grab a blanket. All he needs is a good night sleep to clear his head. Needs to wake up from these new and alarming misplaced feelings.

“Goodnight, Jinyoung.” He murmurs quietly as he drapes the blanket over his sleeping friend, before switching the light off and heading to the comfort of his own bed.

 

\--

 

A few months pass by in the blink of an eye and Jaebum is reluctant to admit that it’s definitely not the alcohol. He sometimes catches himself eyeing the slither of skin that reveals itself at Jinyoung’s lower back whenever the younger boy stretches or leans forwards a little too far. He finds his mind wandering during lectures occasionally, thoughts filled with images of Jinyoung underneath him, panting and needy. He’s even been prone to staring at Jinyoung’s neck on the odd occasion, thinking about how he’d like to taste it, to leave darkening bruises all over it. It’s incredibly distracting to say the least.

He doesn’t think Jinyoung’s caught on at all, he’s very careful to control himself whenever the younger boy is around, but he can’t help wondering sometimes what he did to deserve this.  There had been one occasion where he and Jinyoung met up with Jackson for some pseudo-reunion dinner (basically a Jackson-gossips-to-Jinyoung-while-Jaebum-sits-around-gormlessly dinner) and the two younger boys had made far too many innuendoes, leading to an uncomfortable situation on Jaebum’s behalf.

(He  _ really  _ doesn’t need to hear Park Jinyoung saying ‘please let me come, hyung’ while Jackson cackles like a hyena, refusing to invite Jinyoung to Jooheon’s birthday party as a plus one.)

He’s eyed Jinyoung’s long legs and cupid’s bow-less lips and pinched waist so many times that he’s lost count and Jaebum thinks he might slowly be losing his mind.

 

At first he’d thought it was purely physical attraction, something out of his control, but he’s starting to realise that the small things Jinyoung does, like covering his mouth when he laughs, or smiling when he’s angry during an argument, are ten times more endearing than they were before. 

He finds warmth in Jinyoung’s love for terrible television, has a newfound admiration for Jinyoung’s habit of profaning only when out of any respectable adult’s earshot, loves the way Jinyoung takes on verbal battles with a fire in his eyes and a sword for his tongue. Everything Jinyoung does (for the most part) seems to have a positive effect on Jaebum and he has no clue how to deal with it.

One could say he’s well and truly fucked. 

 

He tells himself it’s just a small crush every time he feels the familiar twitch of jealousy or the same web of affection clotting up his judgement, tries to be rational and calm and pragmatic about it, but it’s  _ so  _ hard to be rational when Park Jinyoung’s got his plump bottom lip pulled between his teeth as he makes loveheart eyes at Kim Wonpil. 

Oh yeah, that’s another development—Wonpil and Jinyoung are dating. It’d happened about a month and a half after Jaebum’s 'epiphany' and while he’d told Jinyoung he was incredibly happy for him, with a wide smile plastered across his face, he couldn’t shake the feeling of  _ what if that were me.  _

What if that were me he kept kissing in the queue at the coffee shop where we were reunited? What if that were me he brought home from parties to muck about with? What if that were me he looked at with so much unadulterated care in his eyes?

And then there were the  _ could that even be me? _ s which followed straight after. Could that even be me, studying with him in the library on weekends? Could that even be me, having intense discussions about authorial intent over pizza and beer? Could that even be me who makes Jinyoung smile so much?

The questions chase themselves in circles like a dog in Jaebum’s head, unanswered and ignored to the best of his abilities. He honestly  _ wants  _ to be happy for them, and on some level he is; they have a lot in common and their looks are fitting, but he can’t avoid the way his heart lurches when Jinyoung starts talking about Wonpil again. Jinyoung describes Wonpil like a fictitious character he’s fallen madly in love with, how he looks like an angel with his dinosaur-like features drawn into a friendly smile. Jaebum secretly wishes Jinyoung would think of him like that.

But he decides that ultimately, he wants his friendship with Jinyoung to last, so he just has to put up with it until his stupid crush fades away and he finds someone else. That’s all he has to do.

 

Why are things regarding human emotion always so much easier said than done?

 

\--

 

The day Wonpil and Jinyoung break it off, Jinyoung comes storming into Jaebum’s apartment at three in the morning with tears threatening to spill and fists balled at his sides. Jaebum thinks he looks like a picture of pure misery, right down to his red-rimmed eyes and ragged breathing, and he doesn’t know what else to do but stand in his boxers and baggy band shirt and stare. 

Eventually his senses catch up to him so he opens his arms for a hug and Jinyoung accepts the offer immediately, tumbling into Jaebum like he’d been waiting all night for the opportunity. Jaebum feels that familiar, unrelenting guilt niggling away at him from the inside as he wraps his arms around Jinyoung’s frame, holding onto him like he’s afraid to let go. Jinyoung smells nice, like fresh pine and deep cherry and it’s dizzyingly good. Jaebum wishes for a minute that he could smell it on his bedsheets and on his clothes every single day.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He whispers across the sounds of Jinyoung sniffling into his shoulder, nose pressed up against his clavicle.

“He—he said I was too aggressive, argumentative. Said I picked fights over petty things.” Jinyoung starts, voice wobbly, but his brimming tears have dried up. “Dumped me because I was selfish and didn’t put enough time into our relationship.”

Jaebum’s never been good at comforting, all his attempts stilted and awkward, uneven and unpleasant on both ends, but he does his best as he rubs comforting circles between Jinyoung’s shoulder blades. He sits them down on the couch, angling his body towards Jinyoung, and lets Jinyoung talk.

“It’s like he doesn’t get me at all. It’s not my fault I’m like this, that I find a fight in everything. I wish people understood.” Jinyoung hiccups on the end of his sentence and the sound raises hairs on Jaebum’s arms, his overwhelming desire to protect Jinyoung powering through the guilt and the painful relief. 

“Like you,” Jinyoung looks up at him. “You understand me. You accept that I can be argumentative and hotheaded and you never put me down for it. I wish everybody could be more like you.” 

Jaebum smiles softly at him and uses the pads of his thumbs to wipe away any excess teardrops, his touch only lingering for a quick moment.

“Then they don’t appreciate you enough. There’s no use being with somebody that doesn’t see all of your greatest qualities and doesn’t like you for who you are. Breakups suck and I’m sorry about that but you’re an amazing guy, Jinyoung. You deserve the best. Don’t even think about settling for less.” 

He feels like a hypocrite, saying it while yearning for Jinyoung to pick him but Jinyoung’s eyes are glassy where they’re caught on him and the room is suddenly doused in a slightly tense silence. The seconds tick by between them and Jaebum can hear, no, feel his heartbeat thumping at twice it’s regular tempo.

 

Their eyes watch each other, for how long Jaebum’s not sure, because all of his attention snaps back like an elastic band the second Jinyoung leans in and presses those deliciously soft lips to his. It’s like time comes to a stand still and the entire room is spinning as Jinyoung’s lips push into his, moving ever so slightly to prompt a response, and Jaebum splinters out of his reverie just in time to kiss back.

What starts out gentle and nervous quickly shifts to something more hungry, more carnal, and Jaebum’s hands find purchase in Jinyoung’s hair as their mouth’s move in time with each other. Jinyoung parts his lips on a gasp and Jaebum takes it as an open invitation to enter, tongue slipping in like it was meant to be there. 

It feels so much better than he’d imagined it would, skin aching and sore where Jinyoung’s sucked on it, and he finds it intoxicating. If this is what being with Jinyoung tastes like then he never wants to stop, never wants to think about stopping.

Jinyoung pushes his shoulders backwards until they make contact with the arm of the couch and then his hands are sliding up Jaebum’s shirt, fingers cool to the touch. The combined efforts of Jinyoung’s fingertips and the way he’s sighing every now and then sends Jaebum into overdrive and he groans against Jinyoung’s lips, kissing him with a bruising eagerness.

It’s only when Jinyoung tugs at the foot of his shirt, a breathy  _ ‘hyung’  _ whispered between kisses, that Jaebum realises they can’t do this, that he’s already let it go too far for his own selfish gain.

“Wait, wait, Jinyoung. Stop.” He pants, pushing Jinyoung away with the last few strands of his self restraint.

“What is it?” Jinyoung asks, concern written all over his face, and Jaebum wants to puke at the situation.

“We can’t do this, you—you’re clearly just upset about Wonpil.”

Jinyoung’s soft, tousled expression transforms into one of confusion and, if Jaebum’s not being too hopeful, disappointment.

“What? That’s not true.” He argues, trying to lean in to capture Jaebum’s lips once more but Jaebum dodges them and tries not to sigh when they catch the side of his jaw.

“Yes it is. Look, you’re not thinking rationally right now, you just broke up with your boyfriend and you’re upset. It’s ok. But I don’t want to mess up what...what we have, just because your head’s not in the right place.” He explains, choking on the words like they’re razorblades. This is all he wants, all he’s been dreaming of for months, but if Jinyoung doesn’t mean it then he’d rather not have it at all.

Jinyoung’s frowning deeply now, his lips drawn into a pout and in any other circumstance Jaebum would laugh at it.

“This isn’t about Wonpil. This has nothing to do with my breakup, I  _ wan’t  _ this, Jaebum.”

Jaebum swallows at that and feels his throat constrict with all of the hidden feelings and jumbled confessions he’s been keeping locked tight in his chest, desperate to resist the temptation to let them all out. He wants to believe it, wants to push Jinyoung back against the sofa cushions and fuck his brains out, but the idea of waking up to Jinyoung angry and gone is the single best deterrent he can think of. No—he isn’t going to make that mistake.

“How can it not be about Wonpil? You guys broke up literally 2 hours ago, you don’t just move on that quickly.” He says, eyes battling Jinyoung’s.

Jinyoung’s face sours and Jaebum hates that he feels the same exhilaration he felt during debates back in high school. This isn’t a debate and he  _ knows  _ that but he still has to win, for Jinyoung’s sake. For Jinyoung’s sake.

“Stop assuming you know what’s going on in my head. Just because you think you know everything doesn’t mean you actually do, just, just fucking stop it. Stop pretending you know everything about me.” 

Jinyoung clamps his mouth shut and it’s Jaebum’s turn to frown.

“Oh come on, you’re clearly using me as a fucking rebound. Your boyfriend broke up with you, it’s logical to be upset about that. Why else would you kiss me?!”

“Earth to Spock, maybe because I’ve had a fucking crush on you since I was sixteen years old!” 

Jinyoung’s eyes are suddenly much sharper than before and the world feels like it’s been tipped on it’s head. He doesn’t know what to say, how to feel, how to comprehend this new information.

“Why can’t you just switch off that stupid, analytical brain of yours for one fucking second. Holy fuck.” Jinyoung hisses as he pulls himself off the couch and rushes to the door, resurrected tears surfacing as his hand finds the knob.

Jaebum sits helplessly, yelling inside but completely silent, as he hears the front door open and slam shut.

 

\--

 

It’s been about two and a half weeks since Jinyoung and Jaebum last spoke to each other. Neither of them are brave enough to make the first move and they’ve both taken to avoiding each other like the plague. 

Jinyoung’s stopped showing up at Jaebum’s uninvited and even Nora’s noticed the absence. Jaebum had found her once, curled up on a hoodie that Jinyoung had left at his, her small nose buried in the fabric. Jinyoung had always gotten on with Nora swimmingly well, which Jaebum had found pretty spectacular at the time. She tends to be more of a hostile cat than anything else but never around him.

He can feel the Jinyoung-shaped hole beside him when he watches movies late at night, and dinners have never felt so unbearably lonely. He hadn’t truly realised just how much he depended on Jinyoung, how much he would miss him when he was gone.

He thinks about him endlessly, like a lovesick teen. He thinks about Jinyoung in high school, about how all those times Jaebum had lent him his jacket or given him a bite of his sandwich, Jinyoung had secretly been concealing feelings much like the one’s Jaebum’s been concealing as of late.

And he wonders, if he’d kept going with Jinyoung, would he have ever found out? Would Jinyoung have confessed? Or would they have brushed it off like it was nothing, both stuck with their own suffocating feelings, putting the words of unrequited romance into each other’s mouths?

The thoughts bury themselves in work and he tries not to die of boredom as his lecturer ramble on about agglutination. 

 

Jinyoung’s having an equally tough time. Wonpil hasn’t spoken a word to him since their breakup and it’s caused a noticeable rift in their friendship circle. He can tell because when he approaches Namjoon at lunch and asks him if he wants to get salad wraps, he stutters an excuse and rushes off before Jinyoung can even reply. When he asks Suji if she wants to study together after class, she offers him an apologetic smile and tells him she can’t make it today.

He hasn’t even seen Sehun around and it makes him wonder why nobody is ever on his side, wonder if maybe he  _ is  _ in the wrong. He can’t talk to Jaebum about it because they’re not on speaking terms and Jackson isn’t picking up any of his calls. He never really noticed just how lonely he was without Jaebum, never realised how much he needed him. 

He has some more casual friends who he’s sure he can hang out with, Daeil and Hyunwoo for example, but then the idea of crossing paths with Jaebum infiltrates his mind and he quickly dismisses his plans to meet up with them on the off chance that they've sided with Jaebum.

So he sits alone at lunch and tries not to cry at how empty he feels. Maybe it’s some sick, twisted punishment for being an asshole, for not appreciating what he had when he had it, designed to eat him up until there’s nothing left. He tries to ignore the way his throat tightens as he stuffs his face with bread.

He misses Jaebum more than anything right now and he just wishes he were brave enough to talk to him about it, but they’re both incredibly prideful and the thought of talking about his feelings for Jaebum pains him so he decides to drop it. He’s made this bed and now he has to lie in it.

 

\--

 

“Jaebum, nice to see you man. Glad you could make it.” 

Jaebum grins as he pulls Hakyeon into a bro-hug, slapping him on the back carefully so as not to spill Hakyeon’s drink. It’s been ages since he’s been to a party but now with all of his essays out of the way, he’s ready to get shitfaced. It’s a Friday night and if he’s being quite honest he’d rather spend it somewhere else but a party is a good excuse to get drunk and drunk is what he really wants to be right now.

He’s slightly surprised that Hakyeon doesn’t point out Jinyoung’s absence as he directs him over to the drinks table with a loose hand. Jinyoung and Jaebum are something of a party pair, usually joint at the hip, until Jinyoung gets caught up in some other dudes arms, of course.

The memories catch him off guard and he’s reminded of how Jinyoung had confessed to him, heart bared on his sleeve, all for Jaebum to sit there and let it slip through his fingers. No, he’s still not entirely sure Jinyoung meant it, and what difference does it make when he’s too ashamed to approach him anyway?

He can’t pinpoint the source of his reluctance but it’s strong, not waning even when Jaebum’s heart aches for him, yearning for Jinyoung’s touch and that soft laugh that sounds like music. God, if he could’ve realised back in high school just how cute Jinyoung’s crow feet were, how perfect he was in every sense of the word even when he pissed him off, he could’ve saved himself this pain. 

There’s no use mulling it over, however, so he decides to numb the hurt with a few gin and tonics. There's nothing a little alcohol can’t cure.

 

Jinyoung spots Jaebum halfway through the party, drunk out of his mind and curled up in some guy’s (Yugyeom, perhaps?) lap, and he feels like he wants to be sick. Jaebum is gorgeous and Jinyoung is helpless but to gaze at him, pining for those lips and that jaw and those arms. He wants to feel that stubble against his skin and the planes of faint abs pressed up against him. 

Maybe it’s because he’s wasted but he allows himself to fantasise about having Jaebum. He imagines the way Jaebum would look asleep next to him, their noses just barely touching, and it feels so  _ real  _ it’s almost like he could reach out and touch him. 

But he curls his fingers and only feels the supple flesh of Yugyeom(?)’s forearm and reality hits him full force.

Jaebum hasn’t noticed him, he’s too occupied with talking to Hakyeon and Wonsik, hand clasping a red solo cup of cheap booze. His heart lurches as Hakyeon laughs at something Jaebum said, swinging an arm around his shoulders as Jaebum giggles, eye’s forming crescents and teeth poking out goofily. 

He watches all the touches Hakyeon gives Jaebum, his elbow, his neck, his waist, until it becomes too much and he pries himself out of Yugyeom(?)’s grip to get some more drink. 

 

He finds nothing but tonic water, all the liquor bottles bled dry, and crushes his cup in a fit of frustration. Home seems more appealing than sitting around watching Jaebum right now so he heads for the door but stumbles in his stride as the room starts spinning in his vision. He can feel the nausea flooding through him as his knees buckle and he sinks to ground, caught between humiliation and wanting to retch up his lungs. A few eyes are on him now and he sees Jaebum out of the corner of his eye, turned to him. 

He’s so embarrassed that he’s been caught like this and it takes all that he’s got not to let the tears roll freely as he collapses on the dark blue carpet, vision getting dimmer.

The last thing he remembers is somebody shouting his name and hands on his shoulders and then, black. 

 

\--

 

Sunlight streams in through the window like a golden retriever, prancing across the backs of Jinyoung’s eyelids enough that it stirs him. He's trying to fight off the oncoming harshness of reality when he feels something prod his nose. 

He shrugs it off and burrows back into his sleep, clinging onto the edges of his dreams as he tries to pull them back. And there it is again—something batting at his nose gently, like an empty piñata you don’t want to damage.

He relinquishes his dreams, forgetting them the moment his eyes flicker open, and he’s confronted by large, black pupils, lined with sparkling blue irises. 

It scares him for a second and he jumps, retreating backwards enough to see the rest of the small cat perched in front of him, her paw raised and head cocked to the side with curiosity. It’s then that he finds himself in unfamiliar surroundings—this is not his bed, nor his room. 

It only takes half a minute to realise he’s bundled up in Jaebum’s sheets as he spots the telltale periodic table poster pinned to the wall opposite. Nora butts her head against his knee as she meows quietly and it’s at that exact moment that his pounding headache catches up to him. He groans at the pain and the horrible feeling of his stomach churning, trying to keep it down with the regret and the guilt lining his guts.

Eventually he manages to get out of bed without heaving all over Jaebum’s floor and he stumbles into the kitchen to grab a glass of water, Nora trailing behind him. He doesn’t expect to run into a half naked Jaebum on the way, though, and lets out a yelp when he smacks straight into Jaebum’s back.

 

“Jinyoung?” Jaebum says as he turns around, stained shirt dangling from his hands as his eyes give Jinyoung a quick once-over. 

“Uh, h-hi.” Jinyoung stutters and he grips his arm self consciously, toe rubbing bashfully against his foot.

“Hope you’re feeling better. You seemed pretty out of it last night.” Jaebum mumbles as he moves to the sink. He takes a glass down off the shelf and fills it almost to the brim, like he’s distracted.

“Uh, yeah, I guess I drank too much. Thanks for taking me home.”

The air is so tense between them and Jinyoung wants to bolt for the door, but he knows that he can’t without emptying the contents of his stomach all over the plush rug. He almost forgets that this is the first time they’ve spoken in weeks because it feels so awkward. 

Jaebum pads over to him with a couple of pills and the glass of water, handing them over to him like the doctor he’s set out to become.

“Take these and drink lots of water. There’s no real way to cure a hangover so you’re just gonna have to deal.” 

Jinyoung gulps down the medicine and water in record time and he doesn’t even notice Jaebum watching him until he’s putting down the empty cup on the sideboard, his headache still throbbing inside his skull.

“You really shouldn’t drink that much, you know. You blacked out. It’s awful for your liver.”

If there was a medal for avoiding eye contact, Jinyoung would win hands down. He swallows guiltily as he looks at the floor, focused on Jaebum’s odd socks.

“I know. I’m sorry for being so irresponsible. You shouldn’t have had to look after me, I don’t deserve it anyway.” 

Jaebum sighs and then there are arms around him, strong, tanned arms, folding themselves around his torso. He buries his face in Jaebum’s neck and blinks back tears as he inhales. Jaebum smells like sweat and alcohol but there’s also a hint of vanilla and ginger, from the cologne Mark sent him at Christmas, and Jinyoung doesn’t want to pull away. Jaebum is warm, almost too much so, and Jinyoung can feel it when he swallows.

“You’re such a dumbass. Why were you even drinking that much?”

Jinyoung hiccups and squeezes his eyes shut, his fingers pressed against the muscle of Jaebum’s chest.

“I was trying to block out some...stuff.” He says and his voice comes out more like a squeak. He can hear Jaebum’s steady heartbeat against his ear and he finds it so, unbelievably soothing, his short breaths calming into longer, deeper ones.

There’s a hint of sadness in Jaebum’s voice as he tells Jinyoung to lie on the couch and get some rest. He says he needs to go out for a bit but he’ll be back soon and they can talk.

He leaves Jinyoung with a blanket, the Netflix password and a bucket.

 

\--

 

Jinyoung feels immensely better when he wakes up after falling asleep during an episode of Bojack Horseman. His impromptu nap seems to have drained him of his sickness and left him feeling incredibly hungry.  His stomach attests to this by grumbling and he gets up to raid Jaebum’s fridge. He makes two sandwiches and eats his alone at Jaebum’s dinner table. It’s small, designed for two people, and the entire experience feels strangely domestic.

Jaebum comes home just as Jinyoung’s finished eating and he brings him the sandwich as a token of his appreciation, or an apology, or both.

“Ah, thanks, you’re the best.” Jaebum smiles as he takes the sandwich and bites into it, eyes rolling backwards a little. Jinyoung chuckles and the air that had been so awkward this morning dissipates, leaving a thin mist of tension lingering over pure, undebased friendship. 

“Hey, um, once you’ve finished that can we talk? I think we need to.” 

Jaebum pauses his chewing and nods. Jinyoung smiles back and feels giddy; it's all going to be okay.

 

“What I said to you, it’s true.” Jinyoung admits, hands hung in his lap. They’re sitting side by side on the couch and it’s bringing back the memories of Jaebum’s hands in his hair. He tries not to get distracted. “I’ve had a crush on you since high school. I was embarrassed and I didn’t want to tell you but I’m tired of hiding it.”

Jaebum grips his thighs a little tighter as he takes it all in, mind buzzing, the words on the tip of his tongue.

“I...I uh, like you too. For a few months now, maybe longer. I just thought, since you slept with other guys, and then you were dating Wonpil, nothing would ever happen. I had no idea you liked me that whole time.”

Jinyoung chuckles, eyes wrinkling in the way that Jaebum’s grown to adore, and he looks up at him.

“My sixteen year old self would be dying right about now.” He grins and Jaebum lets the smile tug the corners of his mouth upwards, his heart jumping in his chest. “But if that’s how you feel then why did you stop last time?”

Jaebum lets the smile fall ever so slightly as a sigh passes his lips.

“I don’t know, I thought you were just using me as a rebound because you were upset. I didn’t want to be with you only for things to go back to the way they were before, or worse. I didn’t want to..ruin everything.”

Jaebum turns to him.

“Be honest. You said that yesterday you got drunk to block out some stuff. What was it?”

Jinyoung chews on the corner of his lip, fingers suddenly itching to fidget. 

“I, uh, well, you, I guess. I was trying to block out how sad I was feeling and then you were with Hakyeon and, yeah. Blacked out to forget about you.”

The admission is uncomfortable and jittery and Jaebum can tell he’s embarrassed as hell so he doesn’t say anything else, just takes Jinyoung’s chin between his fingers and angles his head upwards.

Jinyoung’s lips are just as soft as he remembers, the pressure of them against his own is not much more real than a dream. Jinyoung raises his hand to cup Jaebum’s cheek as he pulls him in closer, dives in deeper. They feel like one, their mouths locked, and Jinyoung groans as he tastes Jaebum’s tongue against his, lips already starting to ache.

There are a few clicks of teeth and small bursts of giggles and they kiss until their mouths hurt enough to pull apart. Jaebum thinks Jinyoung looks breathtaking—his plump lips swollen and red, slick with saliva and begging to be kissed again. He threads a steady hand through Jinyoung’s hair and guides his head back, peeling away the boundaries and allowing him access to the taught skin of Jinyoung’s throat. 

He nibbles at it tenderly, presses kisses to the underside of Jinyoung’s jaw, until the younger boy is whining and keening, hand curved possessively round the back of Jaebum’s neck. 

“Jaebum,” He pants breathlessly, mouth falling open in a short gasp as Jaebum sucks hard on the skin, leaving an ostentatious, purpling mark exactly where he'd dreamt of leaving it so many times. “Please.”

Jaebum isn’t quite sure what Jinyoung’s pleading for but he pushes him until his back hits the cushions before crawling on top of him, crotch hovering dangerously close to Jinyoung’s.

“What was the first thing you liked about me?” He asks, breath ghosting over Jinyoung’s lips, their eyes flickering back and forth between each other.

Jinyoung swallows and Jaebum watches his adam’s apple keenly.

“First, I thought you were hot as fuck,” He chuckles, voice still airy, and Jaebum scoffs. “But then I saw you debate in assembly and I thought you were amazing. I thought that you could ask for anything, fight for it, and you’d get it.” 

It’s surprisingly deep, more than Jaebum was expecting, and he allows himself to study Jinyoung, raking his eyes over his features and down to his neck.

“What if I asked for you?”

It’s cheesy, he knows it is, but he also knows that Jinyoung’s into that.

Jinyoung beams.

“Then I guess you’d get me, wouldn’t you.”

 

That’s all Jaebum needs to hook his fingers through Jinyoung’s belt loops, kissing Jinyoung with a new found fervour. He rocks his hips down against Jinyoung’s, swallows his delicious whimpers and moans, feels the pleasure of existing like this jolt through him like electricity. They rock against each other like horny teenagers until Jinyoung's clawing at his back for a grip, trying to press them closer together.

“Jesus, fuck me.” He sighs as Jaebum grinds down against him once more, the hard line of his dick pressing against Jinyoung’s.

“Gladly.”

Jaebum has one hand stuffed up Jinyoung’s shirt, fingertips tracing patterns across his body like a dot-to-dot puzzle, and he uses the other to slowly unfasten Jinyoung’s jeans. He gets about halfway through undressing Jinyoung when he’s stopped, Jinyoung’s hands on top of his.

“Ok, I’m sorry I can’t do this, Nora is staring at us.”

Jaebum turns his head to side and, sure enough, Nora is sat on the table, her wide, blue eyes pinned on them. He falls back against the sofa defeatedly and throws an arm over his eyes.

“Cockblocked by a cat. Unbelievable.”

Jinyoung giggles where he’s pulling his shirt back on and doing up his jeans and Jaebum tries not to pout at how hard he is in his sweatpants.

“I’ll make it up to you another time. Let’s just watch a movie or something.” He says as he reaches for the remote. Jaebum sits up reluctantly and sighs.

“Fine. But I’m picking.” He mumbles as he rests his head against Jinyoung’s shoulder, seizing control of the television like the megalomaniac Jinyoung says he is.

 

They end up watching American Psycho and Jinyoung talks his ear off about the misogyny and satire, and while it might’ve annoyed him a few years ago, now it simply makes him smile.

They fall asleep cuddled together, Nora curled between them, and the end credits roll until; silence.

**Author's Note:**

> ghjdf thank u so much for reading, this turned out way longer than intended!!!!!! idk how i feel abt this fic bc i slowly lost stamina while writing it orz but as long as one person enjoys it then idm!!! i lov u all <33 (also u should listen to the song linked at the top of this fic!! i love it)
> 
> hmu on [ask.fm](http://ask.fm/w0nwoozi) & twitter! @trash4jjp


End file.
